Oookay
by Krillin Fan
Summary: Just a little something I wrote while I was bored! A comedy series poking fun at some OOCness and other humorous aspects of the show.
1. Chapter 1

-1**Oookay…**

_Well, I was bored, and I wasn't exactly feeling inspired to write anything dramatic for OGR (sorry, fans!), when I suddenly remembered something my soon-to-be-ex-brother-in-law said once while I was watching DBZ, so… this twisted work was born! Enjoy! MUHAHAHA!_

DISCLAIMER: Kinda stupid to waste one on this, but: I DO NOT OWN DBZ OR ANY RELATED CHARACTERS!

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It was a sunny day outside Capsule Corp. You know the kind: birds singing and flitting around, squirrels scampering about while gathering nuts, the usual. Suddenly, the serene, picturesque day was shattered by a loud scream coming from one of the upstairs rooms.

Vegeta was screaming, his power level nearing its maximum, yet it still didn't help his current… situation. And he'd been trying for at least an hour. He continued to force his level upwards, still screaming with everything he had, when he heard a knock at the door.

"VEGETA!" came the unmistakable voice of Bulma. "KNOCK IT OFF! DO YOU REALSIE YOU"VE BLOWN OUT NEARLY EVERY WINDOW IN THIS HOUSE?! GET OUT HERE NOW!"

"Leave me be, Woman! Don't you realize I have a serious problem here?"

Bulma was silent for a moment before replying. "You're still having that problem? Maybe you should see a doctor…"

"Woman! The Prince of all Saiyans needs no doctor! I'll be fine, just let me be!"

Bulma kicked the door. "Don't you realize this could do long term damage? If the medicine hasn't helped…"

"Umm…."

"Vegeta, you did take the medicine I gave you, right?"

"Well, I… No."

"VEGETA!"

"What do you want from me, Woman? That stuff smelled like crap! I will NOT put anything that fowl-smelling in my mouth!"

Bulma had heard enough. She stormed over to their room, grabbed the bottle off the end table by their bed and stormed back to the bathroom. Kicking the door open, she proceeded to toss the bottle into the lap of Vegeta, who was currently sitting on the toilet.

"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, VEGETA, TAKE THE STUPID LAXATIVE!!!"

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_Well, that's the end! Hope I didn't scar anyone for life. It's just, aforementioned person happened to see the episode where Vegeta transformed into his Ascended form for the first time, and he made the statement that he looked and sounded constipated, sooo. There it is! Review and tell me how much it sucks!_


	2. IT WORKS!

-1**Oookay…**

_Here it is, back by popular demand! A lot of people seemed to like this story, so I've decided to make this a SERIES! AREN'T I TALENTED?! But enough about me, let me set up this next chapter._

_Just Imagine, if you will, that the last chapter took place just before the World Tournament Saga in DBZ! This takes place during the Kid Buu Saga, and I guess could be classed as a blooper of sorts. Here goes, but bear with me, I'm writing this from memory!_

**Chapter 2**

(SETTING: Buu has already destroyed Earth and is about to do the same to the planet where the Other World fighters are located, and Goku has just asked the question of how to lure him to the Kai's planet.)

"But how are we supposed to do that?"

Vegeta turned to look at Goku. "Isn't it obvious? All we have to do is raise our power levels and he'll come running!"

Goku slapped himself on the forehead. "OF COURSE! Why didn't I think of that?! Great plan Vegeta!"

Both fighters began to power up, sending shockwaves rippling across the planet and beyond. Both the Kais and Dende began to quake with awe at the sight of the two most powerful (living, well, sorta) beings in the universe were unleashing their full power right in front of them.

Vegeta could feel his confidence rising with his power level. He would finally show that Pink Freak what he was made of, and when he did….

Suddenly Vegeta's cries stopped, a screwed up look appearing on his face. Goku took note of this and stopped as well, the planet quickly becoming eerily quiet. Suddenly, a VERY loud flatulent noise could be hear eminating from Vegeta. Goku hit the ground, rolling in a fit of laughter, and even the Kais and Dende couldn't hold back their laughter. Vegeta looked down at the ground, his face getting redder by the second before finally raising his head to the sky an screaming. "OH, SURE! THAT'S JUST GREAT!! NOW THE STUPID LAXATIVE DECIDES TO WORK!!!"

_Well, stupid as it may be, that was it! And before you ask, there will be at least one more chapter coming out, but it won't follow the laxative theme. In fact, my next chapter shall fixate upon (DRUM ROLL, PLEASE….) PICCOLO! So keep an eye out for it!_


	3. Soap Story

**Oookay…**

_Here it is: Chapter 3. And lest you think this is a fic attacking poor Vegetable Brain, think again. I shall also be poking at Piccolo, Trunks, Yamcha, and of course, Hercule! But for now, let's focus on the not-so-jolly green giant, shall we?_

**Chapter 3**

"Gee, Piccolo, it was really nice of you to come visit," Gohan said as he stepped away from the door to allow Piccolo to enter.

"No big deal, kid. Just stopping by to see how you've been these last couple years." Piccolo then walked over and sat down on the couch next to a playpen holding a sleeping eight month old Goten. "And to see the new arrival," he added.

"Cool," Gohan replied. "I'll just tell Mom you're here. It'd probably be better than her just walking in here and having a heart attack."

"Or giving me one," Piccolo murmured under his breath.

"What?"

"Uh… nothing!"

"Okay. Well, I'll go tell Mom, then." Gohan rushed outside to where his mother was hanging the laundry.

"Mom! Piccolo's here!"

Chi-Chi stopped her hanging and straightened her outfit. "Well, then. I suppose I better go say hello."

Gohan and his mother re-entered the house through the back door, and heard what sounded to be the T.V. on.

'That's weird," Gohan thought. "I didn't know Piccolo watched any kind of T.V.'

They entered the room to find…

"NO! TONI, HOW COULD YOU?! DAVID WAS THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO YOU! WHY DID YOU CHEAT ON HIM?! WHY?!?!" Piccolo cried out, clutching one of the couch pillows and sobbing into it. He suddenly felt two pairs of eyes on him and looked up too see Gohan and Chi-Chi, their jaws almost hitting the floor in shock. A purple tint rose in his cheeks (A/N: He has purple blood, so he blushes purple, remember?) before he finally spoke up.

"Uh… I… I can explain…"

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_That's it for now. Oh, and just so you know, I will take requests. Just let me know what you'd like to see and I'll see about making it happen. See Ya!_


	4. Baby's First Haircut!

**Oookay…**

_Here comes chapter 3! Hope you like it. Let me set it up for you: Bulma just asked M. Trunks to let her cut his hair. Let's see the resulting chaos, shall we?_

"No."

"Oh, come on, just a light trim. You want to impress the other me, don't you? Imagine how thrilled I'll be to see my baby all gown up… and with a semi-decent haircut."

Trunks hung his head and sighed. He knew that his mother only wanted to spend a little more time with him, as he would be returning to his own time in a few hours, but the thought of allowing Bulma near his head with scissors made him shudder. Besides, he'd seen some of the hairstyles that his mother had considered decent and the last thing he wanted was to walk away with a purple afro. Finally, he consented, much to Bulma's delight.

"Great," she squealed. "Just go wait in the bathroom while I go get my things. I promise you'll love it."

"Fine," he called after her. "But just a light trim, no styling. Just drop the length."

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Soon, everyone was gathered outside Capsule Corp. to give Trunks a proper sendoff, even Vegeta, which caused a great deal of shock to Tien and Yamcha. Piccolo had just smirked at the sight, and Krillin looked at the other two with a large 'I told you so' grin on his face. He leaned over to Yamcha and whispered, "You owe me fifty, man. Pay up."

Suddenly, a loud crash could be heard coming from inside the building, along with the voices of a giddy Bulma and a hysterical Trunks. The two burst from the door of the building, Bulma holding a ziplock bag containing something purple, smiling triumphantly, and Trunks trying desperately to catch her.

"Mom, stop it, you're embarrassing me!"

"A mother is entitled to embarrass her son. Besides, this doesn't happen every day, you know."

Yamcha finally spoke up. "What'cha got there, Bulma?"

Bulma held the little bag up and smiled, tears welling up in her eyes as she replied. "My baby's first haircut!"

This revelation caused everyone present to burst into a fit of laughter, with the exception of Piccolo, who's only thought was 'And people wonder why I'm glad I don't have parents?'

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_Okay, this one wasn't as funny, and could almost be classed under the sweet category, but hey. Also, I'll be updating OGR soon, and I might have the first chapter of a new story up as well. Right now I've been returning to my DBZ video games for inspiration. I also feel compelled to tell anyone that if they wish to contact me, they'll have to e-mail me directly, as this site won't allow me to receive any e-mails through them. No PM's no Review alerts, nada. Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please review!_


	5. Ultimate Power

-1**Oookay…**

_Okay, I've noticed that only a few people seem to be reviewing. Now, that wouldn't normally bother me, but this fic has only been kept going because I thought people liked it. Also, I'm kinda hoping people will make requests. That would seriously help things along, as I'd like to make this something you'll all read. Otherwise, I may have to discontinue this in order to focus on my other works. I've got three new stories in the works, and I might have the first chapter of one of them out tonight. (It's A/U, BTW.) So, here's what may be the final chapter, unless of course I get some requests…._

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Vegeta was fuming. This tournament was taking too long. He could understand the officials postponing the tournament for a short time after that fool Kakarot had taken off with that village boy, they had needed to restructure the bracket. But taking two hours to do so was ridiculous. Add that to the fact that he considered the rest of this tournament to be a waste, as the only worthy opponent who had entered was gone. It had been too easy; first he'd managed to defeat his slacker of a son with little effort (he was going to have a SERIOUS talk with that boy!), but he did have to admit he was slightly amused at the fact that Kakarot's spawn had been beaten by a four year old child, his own niece, in fact. Then, much to his humiliation, he'd had to face the brat! Beating up on a four year old wasn't his idea of fun… anymore, anyway. He'd managed to dispose of her by simply picking her up by the back of her shirt and dropping her outside the arena, but not before receiving a fairly painful kick to the shins.

But now, it was the finals. Now he'd face of against the 'Champion of the World, Mr. Satan!' And he'd grind that faker into dust, proving once and for all his superiority! And he'd enjoy every second of it. He was sitting on the bench in the waiting area, rubbing his still-sore shins, trying not to focus on that humiliation, but on the one he was about to inflict. After a short wait, he heard the announcer call his name and began his walk out into the arena. He managed to stand and watch while Hercule received his hero's welcome, only to smirk as Hercule finally saw who his opponent was. That idiot Kakarot might have struck up a deal with this fool, but Vegeta had made no such promises. He would not allow the fake to win.

The announcer declared that the fight was now officially underway, but Vegeta just stood there, savoring the look of pure terror on his opponent's face. Finally deciding that he'd waited long enough, he rushed at Hercule, fist drawn back ready to be slammed into the so-called Champion's face. Suddenly, he stopped and began to sway as if dizzy, his face turning a pale shade of green, and he collapsed unconscious to the arena floor. Hercule stopped shaking and opened his eyes to find Vegeta inexplicably out cold, and apparently ill to boot. The announcer stepped up and proclaimed him champion, only to pass out immediately after. He took a look around and watched as all of the people near the ring began to falter as well. Even the crowd itself started to become ill, as the members who were still coherent began to run like mad for the exit.

Hercule couldn't figure out why everyone seemed so panicked. He took a sniff at the air, and immediately fell over, trying his best not to vomit. His last words before falling unconscious: "Man! I knew I shouldn't have eaten that last burrito…"

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_There you go. This chapter just so you know, was inspired by a request… the only one I've gotten in fact. So, Sparkly Gum, this one's for you! As for the rest of you, REVIEW! AND DON'T BE AFRAID TO MAKE A REQUEST!_


	6. HFIL Hath no Fury Like a Puar Scorned!

**Oookay…**

_Since the server isn't being so gay anymore, I've gotten quite a bit of encouragement coming through to continue this story. So here I go with the next chapter. Target: Yamcha! Ever wonder what the REAL reason was for Kami sending the Z-Fighters away from the Lookout? Let's see what happens when Yamcha has too much to drink, insults two of his friends, AND gives some booze to Puar, shall we?_

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It had been rough, training to fight the Saiyans. First, they had discovered how strong the Saiyans really were, only to be shocked at the revelation that the two Saiyans were at least twice as strong as the one's they'd faced. Maybe even stronger. So they'd begun training with major intensity.

Now it was their last week on the Lookout before they'd be sent to train on their own, and Yamcha was dead set on having an end of training party. So, being the genius that he was, he'd gone and bought some beer. By the time the midnight had come, Yajirobi was already passed out drunk, Yamcha was well on his way, and like an idiot, Yamcha had given some to Puar to try. Krillin and Tien were glad they'd decided to stay sober, especially given Yamcha's drunken rants, which they found to be quite entertaining. Until…

"Hey Tien," Yamcha slurred out, "can you even grow hair? Or would it get in that UGLY third eye of yours?"

Tien felt himself bristle slightly at the insult, but paid it no mind. Yamcha was drunk, after all. Yamcha then set his sights on Krillin.

"Hey, baldie, what's it like being a dateless loser?"

Once again, the comment was ignored. The guy was drunk, after all. 'But that still stings,' Krillin thought.

Yamcha continued his drunken insults on the two until he was interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat. They all turned to look and saw…

"BULMA?!"

"Impossible!"

"How'd she get up here?"

Yamcha, overlooking the fact that this was next to impossible, sauntered over to her and put his arms around her waist. "Hey babe, what say we get out of here, just the two of us?"

Bulma wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled. "What about Puar?" she asked.

Krillin scratched the back of his head. That wasn't Bulma's voice. It sounded too high pitched.

Yamcha, obviously not noticing, returned the smile. "Forget Puar; let's talk about me and you."

Bulma's smiling face dissolved into a scowl. "Alright," she yelled in a high-pitched, squeaky voice, "THAT'S IT!!"

A puff of smoke appeared and where once stood Bulma was a very angry Puar. "I knew it!" she cried. I knew you liked her better. And after all we've been through together!" Puar gave a low growl and latched herself onto Yamcha's face.

"GAAAH! GET HER OFF, GET HER OFF!" Yamcha began dancing around, trying desperately to pull the enraged cat off his face. Krillin and Tien watched with amusement as he began to run laps around the Lookout, screaming for someone to liberate his poor face.

After the fourth lap, Puar ranting all the while, Tien turned to Krillin. "Think we should help him?"

Yamcha made another lap around, and they heard Puar scream, "…And you always leave your dirty underwear all over the house! I constantly have to clean up after you, you unappreciating drunken…" After that, the rest of the rant was lost, as the two ran once again out of earshot.

Krillin smiled. "Nah. I say we just sit back and enjoy the show."

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_That's it for this chapter. I didn't know whether Puar was actually a male or female, so I just kinda picked. What'd you think? I AM still taking requests, so let me know if you've got any._


	7. Air Horns and Hormones

**Oookay…**

_Time for another chapter. I was quite proud of the last one, by the way. Especially the title! Heh. Anyway, I promised another chapter soon, and even told what it was gonna contain to some people, so here it is. Oh, and the little kiddies may want to leave right about now, as this chapter will take a slightly more mature slant. Oh, don't look at me like that! It's not like I'm writing about out and out sex! Geeze, I wouldn't stoop to that form of comedy. Suffice it to say that this involves a situation with Krillin, 18, Roshi and Oolong. I'd give it a T rating. That should say it all. Onward!_

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Krillin and 18 began to stumble up the stairs to their bedroom. They'd been training all day, and suffice it to say they were both quite sore. Once inside, Krillin locked the door and plopped down on the bed with his wife, who was currently rubbing an apparently sore shoulder.

"Hey babe, you okay?"

18 winced and looked over at him. "Do I LOOK okay?"

Krillin smiled lightly at her. "Well, I guess I'll just have to fix that," he said as he raised himself onto his knees…

"What're you doing?" she asked as he began to move behind her. He gently took a shoulder in each hand.

"Just relax." He slowly began to rub her shoulders, earning himself a soft moan.

"See?" he said, a smirk appearing on his face. "I told you I could fix it."

She began to moan louder. "Oh, Krillin… don't stop. Go harder…"

The two suddenly stopped what they were doing as they heard a tirade of perverse giggles coming from the other side of their door. 18 scowled and started to get off the bed to put the two through thru the wall for the fifth time that week, but was stopped by her husbands hand as he gently pulled her back onto the bed.

Ordinarily, he wouldn't have stopped her; in fact, if she hadn't he'd have been inclined to himself. But this time, he figured a way to get those two perverts back good. "I've got an idea. Just keep it up."

18 looked at her husband and smiled at the mischievous gleam in his eye. She turned back toward the door and resumed her moaning, letting out an occasional yelp for good measure as Krillin crept quietly over to the dresser. Avoiding the rather extreme temptation to sit and listen himself, he removed his weapon of choice: an air horn.

Slowly, making certain he made no sound, he reached the door and placed a hand upon the knob, waiting for just the right moment to open the door; and, he admitted to himself, to listen. Hey, why not? It was HIS wife, he was allowed. Finally, deciding that the two on the other side were prepped enough, he flung the door open and stuck the horn's nozzle right in their ears as he depressed the button. Roshi and Oolong screamed louder than Krillin had ever heard them scream before as the loud, piercing whine deafened them. By the time Krillin released the button, the pig and the old man were out cold.

Looking down at the two and seeing the terrified looks frozen on their faces, Krillin couldn't help laughing. Until, that is, he realized that the moans were still coming from the bedroom. He stepped in to see his wife leaning back on her elbows, biting her lip as she gave one final moan before looking at her husband.

"So, how long are they gonna be out?" she asked.

Krillin swallowed hard, trying his best to hide the fact that he was blushing… amongst other things. "Uh… about th-three hours…"

18 smiled at him and beckoned him over to her with her index finger. "Hmm… that MIGHT give us _just _enough time."

Krillin smiled as he walked over to the bed. He took one last look at the air horn in his hands before he dropped it on the floor. "Man, I am definitely keeping that thing around!"

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_What'd you think? Funny? No? Let me know. Oh, and that's about as explicit as I'm gonna be getting in any of my stories, so if anyone ever expects lemon material from me, don't bother. I couldn't write one to save my life, even if I wanted to. Besides, writing that was awkward enough! Anyways, REVIEW! PLEASE?! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TOMMOROW! CONSIDER IT A GIFT!_


	8. Adventures in Babysitting: Sugar!

**Oookay…**

_Well, here I am again. Time for more mayhem! What horrors shall I inflict upon the unsuspecting readers this time, hmm? I know: Adventures in Babysitting! No, not the movie. Though, if you wanna talk horror… Anyway, let's see what happens when two men are expected to watch three small children, shall we?_

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Alone with Vegeta. That wasn't exactly Krillin's idea of paradise. But here he was, nonetheless, alone in Bulma's house with an angry Saiyan. To top it all off, the two of them were watching Trunks, Marron, AND Goten, who for some reason just HAD to show up today of all days!

As it was for the moment, the kids were playing in the living room while the two adults sat in the kitchen in a rather awkward silence. Finally, Krillin broke the silence. "So… how'd you get suckered into this?" he asked.

Vegeta looked at him, a scowl plastered onto his face. "Stupid Gravity Room is busted and the woman refused to fix it unless I watched the children. I swear, she's always looking for new ways to humiliate me. Why, what did you do to be here?"

Not exactly wanting to tell Vegeta he'd been asked to help because the girls didn't exactly trust Vegeta to watch them by himself, he decided half the truth was the best way to go. "If I do this, 18 said I get my own private fashion show."

Vegeta snorted. "You subjugated yourself to this just to see your woman traipse around in pieces of clothing? You're more pathetic than I thought. I was offered the same thing, I just wasn't dumb enough to take it."

A small smile spread across Krillin's face. "You seem to have forgotten where they're shopping, haven't you?"

Vegeta's eyes hung his head as he suddenly realized where they'd gone and what he had refused. "Good Lord, I'm an idiot!"

Suddenly a large, hairy object found its way onto the table in front of Vegeta and his eyes flew wide. There, sitting in front of him, was the most evil, ugly creature in the universe. "S-s-spider!" He found himself wracked with fear as he gabbed the little man sitting next to him and pulled him close, just as the unmistakable flash of a camera went off behind them.

Vegeta quickly let go of Krillin and whirled to see Trunks holding his mother's camera and a stick with a fake spider tied onto the end, a large grin plastered onto his face. "Oh, man that was sweet! This is SO going on the Net!" He then ran out of the room toward the upstairs, his father hot on his heels. As they headed up the stairs, Krillin could hear Vegeta's screams and threats echo through the house.

Krillin sat back down at the table, a stunned look on his face. He didn't know Vegeta had a phobia of spiders. That was certainly news. 'Well,' he thought, 'at least I know I can handle these two. Marron's a good girl and Goten's relatively well behaved when he's not with Trunks-' He was pulled from his thoughts by a black-haired streak running into the room, knocking several things over in the process. It didn't take him long to figure out who it was that was now running laps on the walls. It took even less time to figure out the cause, as Goten's cries of "CANDYCANDYCANDY!!!" were clearly discernable. And there was only one place he could've gotten it.

Krillin stood up and walked over to the wall, carefully timing the next time Goten would pass, and reached out and caught him by the seat of his pants, lifting his feet off the ground. Tucking the boy under his arm, he walked into the living room to find Marron watching the T.V., an empty bag of candy laying next to her.

"Marron, did you give Goten some of your candy?"

"Yes," she answered, not bothering to look away from the screen.

Krillin placed his head in his free hand and sighed. "Why? You know his mom said no sugar."

Marron tore her eyes away from the screen and an annoyed look reminiscent of her mother's appeared on her face. "Well, it's HIS fault. He kept bugging me and bugging me, so I finally just gave him some." Her face quickly changed to the puppy dog eyes that he always fell for. "I'm really sorry, Papa. Please don't be mad at me."

Krillin openly cringed at the sight; it was impossible to stay mad at her when she mad that face. No doubt she'd learned that little trick from the many times he and her mother had used it on one another. "I'm not mad, just upset. Next time, listen to me when I tell you not to do something, okay?"

Marron threw her arms around her daddy's legs in a tight hug. "Okay, Daddy."

Krillin then turned his attention to the boy currently squirming under his arm. "Now, what do I do with you?"

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Vegeta was pounding on Trunks' bedroom door. "I mean it, boy! Either you open this door, or I'll bust it down! Don't think I won't!"

Much to his surprise, the door slowly creaked open. Instead of seeing his son standing in the doorway, however, Vegeta was greeted by a large stream of water pummeling him in the face, causing him to cough and sputter in surprise. Seizing the opportunity, Trunks grabbed the camera and bolted from his room into his parents' room, his father hot on his heels.

Upon entering the room, Vegeta was surprised to find it seemingly empty… suddenly, he was pounced on from above and behind as Trunks wrapped his arms around his neck and began to shout for all he was worth right into Vegeta's ear. As a result, he stumbled backwards into the adjoining bathroom, tripping over the clothes hamper and spilling its contents on both of them.

Vegeta decided he'd had enough and reached behind him, grabbing his son's shoulder and applying just the right amount of pressure, causing the boy to go limp. Picking up both Trunks and the camera, he placed the boy on his bed and left the room, heading for the stairs.

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Krillin's attention was diverted by a loud clatter from the stairway as Vegeta stumbled down the stairs, his chest heaving as he spoke. "I… g-got the… camera." Krillin also noted that he looked to be a wreck: a pair of underwear was resting on his head and various other articles of clothing were scattered across his frame. "Wow. What happened?"

Vegeta shot him a glare. 'Tell you what, Shorty; you don't ask, I don't kill. Deal?"

Krillin swallowed hard before emitting a nervous laugh. "Uh, deal."

Vegeta snorted. "I swear, that kid only gets that bad when he's had sugar. If I find out how that happened…"

At those words, Marron discreetly hid the candy wrapper under the T.V.

Krillin then noticed a pair of dirty socks hanging on Vegeta's shoulder and an idea began to form in his mind. Reaching out, he took the socks and quickly stuck them under the struggling Goten's nose. The boy struggled a bit more before finally falling limp. "Well, that's taken care of. Now if we can-"

Unfortunately, the women chose that particular moment to return from their shopping trip and were greeted by a Vegeta covered in dirty clothes, an unconscious Goten, and Trunks nowhere in sight.

Bulma walked up to Vegeta and began tapping her foot, waiting for an explanation. "Well? What happened?"

Vegeta just sighed and rolled his eyes. "Woman, you wouldn't believe me if I told you."

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_There it is! Enjoy! Please review!_


	9. The Guy with the Creepy Mustache!

**Oookay...**

_Time for more insanity! Let's see, what shall I focus on this time? Hmm... I know! Time to head into battle with Vegeta, Piccolo and Goku as they take on their most diabolical enemy yet. And see Vegeta's mustache for the first time._

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West City certainly was busy this time of the year. People milling about trying to get some shopping done. Others were on their way to work. But none of them was aware that they were in serious danger.

Just on the outskirts of West City, an unseen battle raged on between a Namekian warrior, a Saiyan and a horde of gelatinous alien invaders. To make matters worse, every time they destroyed one of these creatures, it would only regenerate later.

Goku turned toward Piccolo, sweat pouring down his face. "Man, these things are like Buu, only weaker and more annoying."

"Focus, Goku."

"I mean, it wouldn't be so bad; they're not hard to kill at all. But they keep popping up!"

Piccolo was becoming steadily more annoyed. "I'm WELL AWARE of that, Goku, now shut up and fight!"

Somewhere off in the distance, they heard a familiar laugh. "Well, well," came the voice of Vegeta. "It seems you two need my help."

The two looked over in his direction and their faces contorted in horror. Finally, Goku spoke. "Vegeta... what happened to your face?!"

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People in the city began to flee in panic, rushing into nearby stores and businesses for shelter. Cars were beginning to overturn in the streets in a mad dash to get away. One of the citizens pointed up in the sky and screamed.

"EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! IT'S A GUY WITH A CREEPY MUSTACHE!"

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Vegeta growled lightly. "Oh for crying out loud, it makes me look regal, you dolts. With this, I look truly royal!"

Piccolo muttered, "Yeah, a royal pain in the-". He was cut off by a roar from one of the creatures as they began to regroup for another attack.

True to form, Vegeta simply rushed in and began to blast every creature he could take aim at, refusing to stop until every one of them was reduced to a pile of goo. "Now that's how you do it, boys," he said, feeling quite pleased with himself. Not ten second passed, however, before the creatures again began to regenerate.

Goku wiped the sweat from his forehead and felt something sticky there. He withdrew his hand to see it covered in the same green goo that the aliens were made of. He sniffed at it slightly before licking some off his hand.

Vegeta and Piccolo nearly vomited at the sight, completely unaware that the city beneath them had been nearly leveled by the frantic mobs of people that were now evacuating.

A broad smile covered Goku's face as he shouted. "Jell-o! They're MADE OF JELL-O!"

The creatures noted the hungry look on his face and turned to run, Goku chasing them all over the countryside.

"JELL-O! COME HERE, YOU WALKING SIDE DISHES! JELLL-OOOOO!"

Vegeta and Piccolo stood in stunned silence for a moment. Vegeta then turned and started for his home. "I'm going back to bed," he muttered.

Piccolo waited until he was out of earshot before he spoke. "You might wanna make an appointment to get that upper lip waxed, too." He then noted the position of the sun and panicked slightly. "Oh, jeez, I'm late. My soap's on!"

He flew off toward the lookout, passing over a severely dwindled alien army being chased by a very sticky Saiyan. "JEELLLLL-OOOOOO!"

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_That does it for this time around. Hope you enjoyed it! Please review!_


	10. The Best Laid Plans

**Oookay…**

_**Hello again, folks! Yep, after many months of scheming, plotting and planning, I've finally come up with an idea for an update! So, without further ado, here goes…**_

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Darkest night surrounded the Son household. There was absolutely no light to illuminate the surrounding terrain; neither moon nor star could shine through the dark clouds looming overhead, and with this darkness came an ominous feeling that something terrible was about to happen.

As if on cue, a light rumbling could be heard approaching the house as the creatures of the night fled from the surrounding trees. The source of the rumbling soon became apparent: a large mech suit was rather quietly propelling itself along on its rocket thrusters, more or less making a bee line for the small house in the clearing. It soon set itself down with a dull thud and closed the remaining distance to the house with a few quiet steps.

A quiet hiss emanated from the cabin of the mech, and two of the three occupants jumped out: a woman and a dog man. The two then crouched down in what appeared to be a crude sort of stairway, and the final occupant, a little man with blue skin, proceeded to use them as such, finally allowing them to rise once he had reached solid ground… and landed quite harshly on the dog man's hand. (I honestly don't know whether or not to call it a paw or not…) The dog man suppressed an urge to cry and simply stood along with his female companion, standing at rigid attention as their leader chuckled.

"I must say," he said as he stretched slightly, "I do truly appreciate the Red Ribbon Army's clearance bin."

The other two simply nodded and said, "Yes, Emperor Pilaf."

The little megalomaniac known as Pilaf whirled on his lackeys and whisper/shouted, "NOT SO LOUD, YOU FOOLS! You'll jeopardize our mission!"

The two lowered their heads and whispered, "Yes sir."

Pilaf smoothed his ruffled robes. "Very good. Now, as the young people say, let's do this thing." He looked at the woman and pointed to the window. "Now, Mai, go get the child!"

With a curt "Yes, sir!", Mai rushed through the window and emerged somewhat clumsily a few moments later carrying a small toddler that was the spitting image of Goku in her arms. Pilaf smirked as he felt himself begin to swell with pride and glee. "Excellent," he said. "Now, that we have this child, those other fools will do whatever we ask to get Goku's youngest son back! They'll bring the Dragon Balls right to me! Then I can finally achieve my dream, and the whole world will call me king! KING EMPEROR PILAF!"

He allowed himself a small bout of maniacal laughter as his two lackeys simply sweat dropped behind him. The laughter, however, proved to be enough to wake the sleeping toddler up. He looked around at the faces surrounding him and upon seeing no one he recognized, began to cry loudly.

Pilaf cursed under his breath and promptly jumped into the mech, closing the hatch behind him. The machine rumbled to life. Pilafs voice came through on a loudspeaker. "Well, I suppose stealth is out the window now! Can't you fools do ANYTHING right?!" The two groaned as the mech's hand lowered and opened. "Now Mai, give me the child!" He harrumphed slightly. "You and Shou will have to go on foot as your punishment for bungling this mission."

Mai sighed as she begrudgingly began to hand the toddler over to her emperor, when the little guy stooped crying and sank his teeth into her hand. She yelped in pain and dropped him in surprise. While she was tending to her now bleeding hand, Shou ran after the child, diving at him and landing harshly on his stomach with the child no where in sight. Suddenly, he felt a sharp, painful tugging on his ears and threw his arms up to find the child sitting on his head, an ear in each hand as he pulled and screamed.

Pilaf sighed from within his mech and leaned the machine down to grab the little one. "Honestly," he grumbled, "do I have to do EVERYTHING myself?" He extended the arm and made to grab him until the arm came to a sudden screeching halt. Peering around the massive appendage blocking his view, his eyes flew wide open as he saw the little toddler sitting on Shou's head with the finger of his mech clutched firmly in his hand. He paled as the little one's face grew wide with delight and he squeezed the finger, which buckled with an audible crunch. Pilaf soon began to feel his center of gravity shift, and two words entered his mind: 'Oh crap!'

With loud, shrieking laughter, the child lifted the mech into the air and over his head, slamming it down onto the ground behind him. Apparently finding this extremely entertaining, he repeated the process again… and again… and again in rapid succession. He soon became bored, however, and whirled the large robot over his head and sent it flying through the air toward the woods with Pilaf's screams echoing through the air.

He watched the machine fly off and then turned his attention to Shou and Mai, who were now quaking in fear. Finally realizing the dog man for what he was, he began to walk in their general direction, arms spread wide open, shouting "Doggie!"

The two henchmen ran for their lives to the tree line and hid. They soon heard a female voice from the clearing. "What's all that noi- GOTEN! What're you doing out here?! Oh, my poor defenseless baby! Come here, Mommy put you to bed…"

Mai was still panting as she overheard. "Lady," she said to herself, "if you only knew…"

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_Well, that's it this time around. I know this one seemed a little weak, but fear not! I plan to have another chapter up tomorrow! Heck, maybe even as soon as tonight! So until then, R&R folks! See Ya!_


	11. Pass the Buns, Please!

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Oookay…

_Alright, let's just get to it!_

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Chapter 11

As dawn broke through the dark clouds that hung over the island, the figure of an old man could bee seen tossing and turning in his bed. He seemed to be enjoying himself, as the occasional perverse cackle would suggest.

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_In his dream, he and all his friends were seated at a table, laughing and enjoying themselves, a scene he recognized as being their last holiday gathering, with the exception of a few new faces. 'Oh well,' he thought to himself. 'Just a minor detail, I guess.' His eyes continued to wander behind his dark glasses until they finally came to rest on the one occupying the space two seats over. Bulma seemed to be listening intently to something that Yamcha was saying, because she clearly didn't notice the fact that the skirt of her red and green Christmas dress was riding dangerously high._

_Roshi grinned. This was the perfect opportunity to cash in on some Christmas cheer, as he'd done in every dream he'd had about this day in the past; he'd just subtley reach over and give her rump a good squeeze. Then she'd simply ignore it and move on, simply counting it as the old man's Christmas and birthday gift combined, and Roshi'd have fuel for his dreams for yet another year._

_He whistled as he stretched, preparing to score himself a mound of flesh… when he finally realized who it was that was in the seat next to him. Roshi's eyes went wide and his arm flew back to his side as Vegeta turned to him. "What are you looking at, old fool?" he asked. Roshi managed to let out a weak laugh and looked away as Vegeta snorted and did the same._

_Roshi's heart sank. This was horrible! How was he supposed to score now?! There was no way Vegeta would ever let him get away with it, attachment to Bulma or not! He was doomed…_

_Wait… no he wasn't! He knew that Bulma might get slightly irritated when he did that, but she CERTAINLY wouldn't allow Vegeta to kill him for it! …Would she? 'Oh well, it's only a dream,' the old man thought to himself. Without thinking twice, he thrust out his hand and latched onto his target. Roshi was in heaven. It felt so soft, yet so firm…_

_In fact… it felt a little too firm. Like it was more than toned… almost muscular. Roshi looked up in shock only to find that every person at the table was staring at him with eyes as wide as satellite dishes and pale faces. Roshi felt himself go pale and turned to look for himself…_

_And found his hand was firmly attached to Vegeta's butt._

_Roshi was trembling now, his eyes twice as wide as anyone else's, but for the life of him, he just couldn't seem to let go. He panicked, knowing that at any second, Vegeta would turn and see this before brutally killing him in some unknown alien way that was probably too horrible to describe._

_Vegeta, to the contrary, seemed to be enjoying the experience, which only served to further disturb the old man, who was attempting to saw his hand off with a butter knife. A small, arrogant smirk had settled onto the Saiyan's lips. "Well woman," he said, glancing over at Bulma, "Had you told me you wanted me so badly, I would've come prepared." He noticed everyone staring at him from across the table and growled. "What? What are you idiots looking at?!" He folded his arms in front of him. "If it bothers you so much, then you can leave." He felt a poke at his shoulder and whirled to face Bulma. "What is it now, woman?" Bulma pulled a nervous –and slightly disturbed- grin and showed Vegeta her hands. Both of her_ free, non-groping _hands._

_Roshi saw Vegeta's face go pale and eye begin twitching. Said prince turned to look at Roshi, who was now furiously gnawing on his own arm. Roshi felt a pair of eyes burrowing into his skull and looked up into the now-furious eyes of Vegeta, nostrils flaring, teeth grinding and a low growl emanating from his throat. Roshi let out a nervous chuckle and slowly removed his teeth from his own arm._

_Vegeta was almost furious beyond words. "What. In GOD'S NAME. DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" the prince screamed, flinging the old man out of his chair, his hand finally detaching from it's former position._

_Roshi rolled on the floor and stood, trying desperately to explain himself. "N-no! I'm sorry, it was a mistake, I was aiming for B-uh, someone else! Yeah…"_

_Vegeta raised a hand and fired…_

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A loud boom resounded and Roshi fell to the floor, struggling to escape the entanglements of… his sheets? He sat up and scratched his head in confusion. "Huh, must've been a dream." He climbed up off the floor and looked out his window. "Looks like a storm blew in, too. Seem to be getting' a few of those lately. Ah well." He grabbed the tray on his nightstand before heading down the stairs. "That's the last time I eat this stuff before bed. And they say tofu's supposed to be good for you…"

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_Well, there it is. (If you happen to notice this bears an exact resemblance to OGR'S Next chapter, that's cuz this part was good enough to make it in two places! Hope you enjoyed._


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